An internet video that reaffirms that when it comes to a woman’s introduction to kink, BDS is the place to start
B. D. S. Bondage. Domination and Submission. Three simple letters that explain everything. They say that I don’t need to be slapped around, or insulted, or told that I need to do things that are 50 shades of fucked up or I’m not being adventurous.
I’m not saying I don’t like kinky. I like kinky. I can do kinky. And by kinky I mean more than some dirty talk and tying me to the bed post with fluffy hand cuffs, before getting my shag on. I mean real kink, like rope, and ice, and feathers and drawn out roll play which withholds and releases. My issue is that every time I would admit that I was into kink guys saw this as liberty to literally shove my head on their cock like I was a cheap hooker. Why was it that regular sex guys were respectful, cared about pleasing me and rarely left me unsatisfied but the second I said I was into kink they became assholes. After the second or third time this happened I started to wonder why. Was it me? I never said extra rough handling was in the cards. Just because I like subbing, does that mean I need to submit to everything?
I realized that many men were getting their cues from 50 Shades of Grey (which more men will have read than admit) and movies like The Piano Teacher and After Fall, Winter. In all of those movies, the BDSM is violent and abusive. The sessions are rough and the words are harsh. I’m not saying it doesn’t have its place for some girls, and if someone gets wet from humiliation for some reason than all the power to them. But when men read about BDSM, the art of knot tying isn’t what they spend time researching. It isn’t the responsibilities of the Dom they read, or sexy scenes which please both the partners. They read about sadomasochism and think that the worst of the BDSM world is the first step that they need to take or they aren’t doing it right. I know there is a clear difference between making love and fucking but kink doesn’t have to mean abuse.
Then, I came across a video titled “BDS Revolution – The Key to Respectful Kinky Sex! . Watching it, the message of the simple black and white amination really hit home. What if BDSM didn’t include the SadoMasochism anymore. Just like some gays and lesbians might not see themselves in the same category as transsexuals, so too, might not those who like bondage and some light submission want to be lumped together with extreme sadists and masochists?
That, however, is not the point. They point is what information is available and where it starts. There are many videos about consent but in the very few that say once you get kinky that it isn’t one size fits all. I think the idea behind Bondage Domination and Submission, and that BDS can be learned about in its own right, is a concept that I wish I had that first time I told my ex-man that I wanted to get kinky. Why should everyone who learns about BDSM have to read about the pain, the safe words and that no bruises means you weren’t there. The truth is they can, but now BDS is an alternative. I, for one, support the spread of BDS because I respect myself. I hope many more girls find this video and make more. We can’t expect men to understand if we don’t show them there are more options out there. Hopefully, eventually, everyone will be able to find their little sub corner of their personal sexual universe, but for those who want to start exploring, and feel safe about doing it, learning about BDS is a good place to start.